I just want to start off by saying I’m happy I found a safe haven (or so I think) to discuss my feelings and journey of infertility. I have no goal for this post, but maybe it’ll help someone else too knowing that someone like me feels the same and is dealing with the same.

I’ve never been on birth control. I’m 26 so you can guess that it was always questionable as to why I’ve never gotten pregnant. Now that I’m married, my husband and I are both praying for a child. It broke my heart after awhile to see that he shortly noticed I wasn’t getting pregnant. His face—I could see the hurt in his eyes. He longs for a child as much as I do. But it hurts even more knowing I’m the woman. I’m the wife. Why can’t my body do what it was naturally designed to do? Why can’t I give our marriage what it deserves? 😓

I have friends. I have family. I have a great support system- but it’s hard to feel truly supported when nobody in your support system is going through the same journey. They don’t know how it feels- they all have kids!! They don’t know how it feels to go to sleep every night, falling asleep as you’re imaging what your child would look like, sound like, feel like, smell like, or what features they’d have. Falling asleep as you imagine how beautiful it would be to see the bond between your husband and your child, the joy it would bring to him. The bond between you and your child. How you would teach them things you were never taught as a child. How differently and better you would raise them unlike the way you were raised.

Its a lonely, and cold journey. I tend to ask God, “Why me”, even though I know it doesn’t help and makes it worse. Most days, I feel empty. There’s so much inside that I cant even put into words. Even though we’ve been TTC for 3 years, I’m feeling like giving up 😓💔 I’m mentally exhausted. Depressed. Maybe a little manic, too. What infertile wife wouldn’t be?