Is it rape?

When I was 18 I moved to meet my bio brother and sister. When I moved in my brother was living there too he was about 2 years older then me......bare with me.....we had sex but only when I was so fucked up on pills and alcohol. The next day I would barely remember anything. Sometimes I woke up and didn't even remember ( my sister would tell me it happened). When I was sober I hated myself, and couldnt stand being around him, I tried killing myself and everything.But as soon as I got fucked up (I was so depressed at the time drugs was my way out) somehow it happened again. It only happened like 3 times... i think. Part of me feel responsible bc I feel like I allowed him, but the other part is like I couldn't really consent bc i was soooo fucked up. What would yall call it? I'm 24 now so it was awhile back

Edit.......I have no desire to try to charge him, all that is in my past