I had what felt like a forever journey to getting pregnant. I started trying to conceive in June 2018 and fell pregnant in December only to have a very early miscarriage. I kept trying cycle after cycle and then finally in October 2019 I was pregnant again and this time, with a healthy baby boy.

My pregnancy was very much textbook the entire time and I even stayed fit only gaining the exact recommended weight gain of 25 lbs. I was walking 2-3 miles a day even up until the day I went in to be induced. All of this led me to believe that even though I was super nervous that ultimately labor would go smoothly which I couldn't have been more wrong about.

At 40 weeks I started looking for every sign labor was going to start and it took until 41+2 for me to finally have my bloody show in the morning. That just happened to be the day of my inducement anyway. Contractions and labor never did start after that so I still went in for induction at 8PM as planned that Tuesday night. I hadn't been dilated at any of my OB appointments but sure enough when they checked me at the hospital I was 1 CM so things were in motion. Since I was so far past my due date and already there we proceeded with induction.

Around 11PM they gave me a cytotec to see if they could kick start things that way. Within an hour or 2 there was a scare and the baby's heart rate dropped so they decided that would be the only cytotec they'd give me. Around 3AM it had dilated me to 2cm. I wanted to wait for my own OB to get to the hospital for her shift so we waited another 3 hours and they gave me a foley balloon around 6am. Let me tell you- the foley balloon is NO JOKE. Feeling all that pressure bearing down on my cervix SUCKED. They even tied an IV bag on the end of it for added pressure and tugging down. That got me to about 5-6CM. As it goes with inductions there is no way to avoid pitocin either and that is where the real trouble started. They began the pitocin and the contractions got much stronger and were every 2-3 minutes. Around 1PM Wednesday I got an epidural and at least that eliminated the pain. However, my dilation was SLOW. It took hours more before I ever got to a 7 and it wasn't until 11PM over 24 hours from when we started that I was at a 9. Throughout the entire time the baby's heart rate kept dropping and they were constantly having to reposition me to get it to come back up. It was very nerve-wracking but they kept assuring me it was common and normal to have to do that during labor. At around 1:30AM I was at 9.5 and SO close to being able to push (but also so beyond exhausted that I didn't think I could). The baby's heart rate dropped AGAIN and this time would not come back up. They shut the pitocin off and determined a c section was the safest course of action after ALL of that labor.

The C section itself as an absolute breeze and my son was born Thursday at 1:37AM. I felt just tugging and such relief it would all be over and my baby would be there soon. It turned out the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times (hence why my dilation took so long- he would not descend and put pressure on my cervix to open) and even more concerning- he had aspirated meconium. I had always heard of baby's letting meconium out in the womb but most of the time it is an easy fix and they are okay. In my case he had aspirated so much that his lung became like a 28 week old even though he was PAST his due date. They rushed him away to the NICU and I did not even get to see him or hold him.

I went into recovery for several hours and then it wasn't until about 16 hours later that I finally had the strength to go down to see him. He was hooked up to so many wires and was intubated to breathe. The only way I could describe it is that I was in shock. I felt sad and scared but also just nothingness. My son was in the NICU for a full 10 days after this (the longest 10 days of my life) but is now 2 months and home and thriving.

I look back on that day with regret wondering what could have been different if I asked for a c section before it was an emergency and wondering if the nurses/OB had seen meconium in my fluid and didn't tell me. I punish myself asking why I didn't ASK if there were signs of meconium. I knew it could be a "thing" after all. I guess in the midst of being awake for 24 hours and in labor and being stressed I didn't think of the right questions. I am doing better handling my guilt now but I will always feel some semblance of regret and like I have been robbed. We did not get our happy moment as a family of 3 seeing him in the delivery room for the first time together and my son did not get to do skin to skin to me. He spent his first days being poked and prodded and suffering. Let my story be a warning to anyone going past their due date because Meconium Aspiration Syndrome is much more common after 40 weeks which I never knew.

I hope some day when we have a second child the experience is much better but I will always feel sad that my son did not have that. The only saving grace is that he won't remember it but obviously, I always will.