Why do I do that?!?!

Jessica • TTC for 2years, 27 years old, 1 MC and diagnosed with PCOS. I thank God every day for my amazing husband. Waiting for our blessing
Just tested again after glow said NOT to and got a negative. Why on earth do I do this to myself?! I know better than this and I know what the outcome will be but I continue to make myslef miserable. Uuuuugggggh