I’m not my bfs type

Sometimes I worry he will leave because I’m not his preference.. does anyone else worry about stuff like this? When we were younger he would always tell me how he preferred white girls and that I wasn’t his type. I am a lightskinned black girl if anyone is wondering how different I am from his preference. It’s been 4 years and he’s still with me. He seems to be very much so in love but some days I still worry he doesn’t find me attractive:(( but he has called me beautiful before. But he has also called me an “ugly bitch”. I will admit when were younger he was very emotionally abusive and into negging me. He told me to kill myself before and that no other guys would ever want me.