If my friend drives to my house to hang out, do I pay for her food every time?

Question

My friend lives at home with a big family, I have my own place so she always comes over here to hang out. It’s about a 30 minute drive. Every time she hangs out (once a week usually) we get takeout or order in, and I’m always paying for both of us. Sometimes it’s $50 for both of us.
Is it rude if I start asking her to chip in/pay for herself? Not sure because she is the one driving, but also she likes hanging out here more so it’s not like I’m “making” her. Should I ask her to pay for herself? Or leave it?

Accepted Answer

Idk why you would’ve ever bought her food to begin with unless she got your food the next time. She shouldn’t be comfortable with you buying her food every time. It sounds like she likes to hangout with you for the free dinner.

Answer

I would just stop offering to get takeout. If she asks to get food just say you don’t have the money right now.

Answer

Make more meals at home, have her bring food from her home, or snacks/meals she can keep there for when she comes over. Take turns paying when you get takeout.

Answer

My guy friend done the same. He doesn’t own a car so I pick him up almost every time. I pay for food every time. Aside from him not chipping in on food, he still owes me $50. He’s a great friend but I just make myself unavailable for him because I can’t keep paying every time.

Answer

She’s probably just used to you paying. I’d ask her next time to at least to split the bill.

Answer

I'd a friend like this before. Every time she visited with her boyfriend we gave them something to eat which ordinarily is okay but it ended up being almost every single day and at the time my husband was in between jobs so we didn't have a whole lot and budgeted down to the last banana exactly how much we needed to get by each week. Another thing she would do is ask you to get her something in the shop when you went and because it was only a few euro I'd be embarrassed to ask for it back but she did it constantly. Or she'd ask you to pay for her item with your change because she 'didn't want to break a fifty' and we went along with this for ages until we added up how much she was costing us a week and told her no. It was so awkward! We later went on a couples trip to Italy and they tried the same thing over and over with change kept saying they didn't have money for the underground even though they brought moreoneu than us on the trip but their big spenders so bought useless shit on the first and second days and started to panic. I was giving them the change when after visiting the Vatican we were about to hop on and my partner who would be even more polite than me told them we won't be paying their fare anymore that we will wait here until they go to the shop and get change if they need it. And that's what happened. There was countless other red flags we should have listened to at the time and we are no longer friends with these people and happier for it. I know that doesn't really relate to your post.
If I were you I'd say it because it's something that can fester over time if it's left unsaid. Yes your friend is driving to visit but your not paying for her company so you shouldn't feel obligated to feed her all the time. Next time it happens ask her cna you get the take out next week? Or say I was thinking well alternate paying for dinner each week when you call? And see what she says. Some people will just keep taking if you let them. I'm not saying your friend is a bad person it's just clearly a habit (for lack of a better word) you have fallen into that needs to be corrected. Good luck.

Answer

I have a friend just like this, except it’s a male! He doesn’t have a car so he ubers here to hang out (and then we will drop him off back home; sometimes we pick him up AND drop him off!!) with my husband and I. He’s been doing this for the last couple of years.  I started getting super angry because my husband is so generous he will buy all of the beer and food and then the next day while hungover he will pay for ALL of our food at a restaurant and my friend never pays for drinks/food. I had to tell him that my husband is too generous when drinking and people take advantage of that and I don’t appreciate it. He finally got the hint and every now and then he’ll give us money... not as much as he should but.. better than nothing. You have to speak up before you get angry and blow up on her one day and ruin your friendship. It’s very annoying but now we have a baby on the way and I refuse to let him do this ever again.

Answer

It's a tough call.....
On one hand reciprocity is a nice thing. If she is driving to see you everytime; putting wear and tear on her car and paying for gas then it is a nice gesture to pay for her food.
On the other hand it can get expensive and i understand that as well.
My suggestion would be to offer some less expensive options. Perhaps make a meal, something simple like sandwiches and salads or order from a less expensive place. You can go to Costco and get two wraps/sandwiches and a huge salad pre-prepared for under 20 dollars. You can make pasta with sauce for a few dollars.
There are ways around it.

Answer

Don’t offer takeout, and if she asks just tell her you don’t have enough money to do it every time. Either she’ll be ok with it and chip in/help cook something, or she’ll get mad. If she gets mad and doesn’t care, she’s probably not a good friend...

Answer

If im at a friends i always go halves on any food we order... I usually have to get ubers there n back Which is kinda like paying for gas

If my friend drives to my house to hang out, do I pay for her food every time?

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