Just a little venting

Its sad when you wish you already had your baby boy so you wouldn't have to be alone because your husband works night shift 3 days of the week and comes home and sleeps all day (understandable) until he goes to work that night but also on the 4 days he has off he runs to his family leaving you home alone, only to come home at around 4 or 5 and all of a sudden want to spend time with you but try to make excuses to go back to his family.

Its gotten so lonely that when Monday rolls around I let him sleep and don't even attempt to be around him because I'm used to being alone anyway and I know 1 hour before he goes to work he will drive to see his family every night he works and come home with maybe 10 minutes to spare to collect what he needs then say goodbye before he leaves until 7 am the next day (he leaves at 4pm and has to be at work from 5pm-7am)

I've felt more alone than every and sat and waited hoping my son would make his arrival soon. Even though he will be sleeping all the time and he will be a newborn and dependant on me, at least I would feel like I had some company because my husband would rather ditch me than actually stay home for ONE DAY and do something I want to do

(For example, I enjoy board games. Yes it sounds childish but when it's rainy what else can you do and I feel like that relaxed part of me isn't appreciated enough. I also like to sit with him and watch a movie but he claims he can't because he has anxiety and can't stand the "uncertainty" of them, but he watches the same episodes of family guy and American dad every day.)

I don't care to spend time with him, but I assumed out of the 7 days of the week and the 4 days he has off, he would at least take ONE DAY to do something I enjoy doing with him even if it means playing uno or watching a movie we haven't seen.

I feel alone in this marriage and it's starting to take a mental toll on me