Infertility is so weird isn’t it? There’s so many different emotions you’re trying to process at one time and there isn’t a roadmap to know how to.

My cousin had her baby last night and I’m genuinely excited for them. It’s their second and both times they were able to get pregnant in about 2 months. Obviously I can’t be mad at them for that, but at the same time I was filled with anger and jealousy when she first told me she was pregnant, because I knew she had just started trying we had been trying for 3 years at that point.

Yesterday I spent most of the day calling pharmacies and comparing prices so I can give a decision to my fertility clinic to start <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. It’s been very frustrating and overwhelming because at the same time I’m sure I’m about to start my period which means I’ll have to wait for another cycle, which are highly unpredictable.

So I guess my whole point is after 4 years of disappointment, heartache and pain, I still don’t know how to navigate all the feelings that come with this hell. I don’t really talk about it with family and friends much anymore because I’m afraid I’ll get told I shouldn’t feel this, etc. Bottom line I think it’s good to talk genuinely about how it is you feel, whether or not it will be perceived as “right” because who gets to decide what is the “right” way to feel? It’s just important to not let anger, bitterness and jealousy take over.