Not sure where to post this but I need some positive vibes

So, 2 years ago my older sister called me upset because she found out she would never be able to have children. I made the decision to have a child for her and allow her to adopt. My entire pregnancy with the child my older sister and I were close. But, since the child’s been born we’ve gone back to how we were.. Not close at all. My sister lives 5 hours away so I don’t see the child very often. I barely get pictures and don’t want to ask about her all of the time because my sister is super weird about all of the questions. Well, today as I looked at both of my children who I care for I wondered about the child I had for my sister. How things would be if she were here and all. We’ve been trying 10 months for technically our 4th but our 3rd in the home. My husband told me to contact my sister and ask for pictures just to make me feel better. But, I didn’t want to come off a certain way so I called my mom to ask her how I’d go about it without my sister thinking we regretted our decision and etc. She told me I was looking for a reason to be upset and I can never just have two “good” days where nothing bothers me. I just hung up on her.. Her saying those words hurt me more than anything because I feel as if my feelings of missing this child are relevant. I don’t regret my decision at all. She’s in such a loving home and has everything she could ask for. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t miss her and wonder what life would be like if she were here.

I’m just ranting and need positive vibes. I still haven’t messaged my sister about it and honestly don’t plan to. But, I wish my mom would at least support me in my bad times ya know?