Conflicted...

My boyfriend and I have been talking since last year, I’m 26 he’s 36,we used to work together, but both left around the same time. I went to a different company and he went back to the “streets”. He does drink, and becomes emotional and talkative, and around that time, I was dealing with my dads death as well as issues with my 2 kids dad, and a miscarriage with him. I decided to take a break from us, and he agreed. I had to block him for a while because he would call everyday( still did from private), and I would be tempted to go back over to his house and try again. But I knew I needed to be alone and take care of myself, and let go of some pain and really heal. Yesterday, I reached out and we planned to meet up and talk. I got there, he was apologetic and really wanting to reconcile. I agreed, and to clean slate it, he asked had I been with anyone else, and I answered honestly no, and I asked him the same question. His response was no, nothing outside of maybe a text to someone here and there but it never went anywhere. I trusted him, but I had a feeling of hesitation that I expressed to him, but said since we weren’t together at the time, I would let it go of course. We went to the store, and his iPhone was connected to the car, and a message popped up and it was calling him childish and irresponsible and whatnot, so I clicked it, and it was a plethora of messages from different females, that he exchanged addresses with, talked to them how he talked to me, and some even had boyfriends and he would have some upset, speaking to him in the manner and tone of how a long term girlfriend would. He’s not from this state, and went home to visit family, and he apparently went to see one girl and called her “his future wife”, and couldn’t leave w/o seeing her. I confronted him and told him I wanted to go home. He claimed he left it there unlocked because he knew I would go thru it, and it was just “business”, they are just “hoes” but he’s with me, begging me to

Be with me not them. I ended up staying the night and wanted so hard to believe it, or even convince myself I could deal... I just am so conflicted... because I do love him and have been working so hard on myself to be better for me, my kids and him as well... I am just in need of some advice or something I just don’t have anyone to talk about it with...