So i don’t really have any memories of my biological father. My mom was married for 7 years to someone who abused us emotionallly physically and verbally. I’ve struggled with severe depression and most recently anxiety. Anyways my whole life I’ve filled this gap by talking to multiple guys, drugs, just being risky and forming relationships with bad boys. I’ve always been into bad boys and would have just the deepest convos about life and pain. Now I’m in a long term relationship with a good guy! He’s the sweetest and kindest person I and most other people who’ve met him have ever met. We have a relatively healthy relationship which is amazing. But I’ve been struggling so much recently by this empty void that I haven’t been filling by my old habits. Like i have the urge to just start talking to some old guy friends and hooking up. Because I guess that’s the only way I know how to fill that gap. I would never cheat on my bf but how do I stop these urges. Sometimes I find myself almost sabotaging our healthy relationship to idk.. maybe there’s a small fantasy of him breaking up with me because I’m a mess and he deserves better which would give me an excuse to go back to the guys from my past and hook up. (I became readily close to a lot of guys, I still love and care about them all because of those intimate convos about life and stuff. I obviously don’t talk to them anymore because it would be too tempting) what should I do. I hate myself and am so stressed and anxious and sad and emotional.