8th grade was a train wreck... TW ⚠️

I keep thinking about my first female crush and about how when I went to confess, she was sleeping over. We ended up drinking(her idea) and she turned on Thirteen Reasons Why, which was pretty triggering but I ignored it cause she liked it and at that point I would’ve died for her. THEN she started talking about how if she found out that someone she knew even *considered* h@rming themselves she would k!ll herself to escape the emotional baggage and that it’d be the other person’s fault for “triggering her” and I got really self conscious about my self h@rm scars. I ended up not telling her about my crush. She got hungover in the morning, went home, and told her mom who told mine. My mom’s emotional manipulation and abuse got worse and she trusted me even less(even encouraging everyone at family gatherings to tease me and telling them to ask me if empty beer cans were mine via throwing them at me). The girl, who was my best and closest friend, unfriended me and told the whole school I got her drunk, which made the bullying worse and I ended up being a lot more suicidal. Her self-proclaimed “new bestie” (who used to be my friend as well, had bullied me for liking the same guy, told me that no one would ever love me l, and that no one would care if I died) found my personal journal and then she texted me saying that I’ll always be her best friend and that she’ll always be there for me, which only made things worse:/