Today I lost my baby.

This morning I woke up like any morning. Went to go pee and wiped and saw brown discharge. Wiped again and it was pink. Then wiped again and there was more. I freaked out. Went to my husband and told him I needed to go to the hospital. I have O- blood. I need the Rogham shot. I’ve had two miscarriages before today. I have a 9 month old son. Today I would have been 6 weeks 1 day. Got to the hospital and the bleeding was worse. Went and got a vaginal ultrasound and blood work. When I came back from the ultrasound I was bleeding more. My heart sank and I started to cry. I knew. I stayed hopeful. I waited two hours for the doctor to come in and tell me what I already knew. I lost my sweet baby. I balled my eyes out. He said he didn’t see anything on the scans. And that my HCG level was 100 it was supposed to be in the 1000s. So now I’m sitting here typing this out because I can’t tell my family and friends because none of them knew. My whole life feels like it’s flipped upside down. How do I mourn someone I never got to meet. How do I say goodbye to someone I never got to tell hello.