Hello ladies and non-ladies!

I wanted to post to, once again, brag about my relationship. Not just my man this time, but our relationship itself. We’ve been together a little over 4 years (officially, unofficially more like 4 1/2). Now a LOT of that we struggled and nearly broke up, many times. We started as FWB and did not expect it to turn into a serious relationship. We both have trauma from our past and we weren’t ready for anything serious. We were toxic and manipulative and just plain unhealthy. We never cheated physically, though we both did seek our attention from others in the beginning which caused some serious trust issues. 

There was a time where we fought DAILY. Now during those fights we never got physical, we never called each other names, and we didn’t really yell AT each other (our voices did raise though). We didn’t know how to communicate with each other. I have anxiety, depression, and abandonment issues. If he didn’t talk to me for an hour or so I’d start thinking the worst. He’s the type of person who needs space when stressed out, and if he’s with friends or family he’s not on his phone much. I’d start to blow his phone up which would annoy him and make him not want to talk. It was a VICIOUS cycle. We didn’t know how to talk about our problems. I would word things accusatory or aggressive (unintentionally usually) and he’d get defensive. We took a break and still fought horribly when that break ended. For MONTHS, maybe even a year or so, I woke up everyday wondering if this was it. Is today the day it ends?

Things had settled WAY down around March of 2019 but our relationship was still in the air. We worried that the damage had been done and we couldn’t come back from it. Finally we got it together. We talked about how we handle stress differently and have to learn to compromise. I need to give him space when he needs it and he needs to give me extra attention when I need it. We have introduced many methods that have helped us improve our relationship.

*We finally started listening to understand, not listening to respond.*

This is how we communicate now. I know how to bring things up without making it sound like he’s a bad boyfriend or always messing up, and he learned to listen to what I’m saying and see my side. And vice versa.

I’m posting this to show that with communication, hard work, and a LOT of self reflection, you can save your relationship. Now this does not include physical/sexual abuse or cheating. Neither of us did either of those things, and if we had I doubt I’d be posting this right now.

EDIT: Alice is how I describe my anxiety