I find myself not really wanting to reflect on my past but at times it's hard not too. It's like I'm finally waking up from this Tornado like nightmare and the tornado finally stopped and now I'm looking at ALLLLLLLL the MESS it's created. I feel numb not wanting to feel the immense pain my life has brought me. Now I know things can always be worse so that prevents me from having an extreme pity party but I feel sooooo much now that I have slowed down and it hurts. I don't know what to think of it really the only thing that's made sense is, it's been a tornado . I sit here wondering when things will change do I have the strength to endure bc if I'm going off of feeling I've already tapped out. It's this sense that if I don't give up things will change but can I make it through. Right now I sit in a red roof inn feeling as though I have hit rock bottom. I can only look up but looking up is so foggy that I pray it Clears up soon. I've positioned myself to receive good things in my life I'm just tired of the bad out weighing the good and having to remain positive through it all I have faith in God but I'm tired just letting things out pray for me please I can't sleep and I'm probably won't be able to