He Wants a Joint Account..PT2!!

The update is lengthy. Sorry!

First! I wasn't expecting so many responses and I really appreciate the perspectives shared!!

I've read them all and really put some thought into everything.

To clear the air, it isn't about getting a ring. I said "ring" to symbolize at some point committing to each other.

I had a conversation with him while at lunch and he seemed taken aback that I said no to a joint bank account. In that, he added that he also wants to add me tl his health insurance (I have my own but it's a really high deductible plan and I have the worst tailbone pain that is is costing me a lot to treat. His plan is 80% better and would help absorb a good amount of the costs.) He also wants the house we want to buy to be in his name only. Which shocked me. So I told him that it essentially sounds like he wants all of the benefits of marriage but not get married. He just keeps saying he isn't ready to get married, so I finally broke down and told him that....If he isn't ready then I'm not ready to add my name to anything jointly. As his girlfriend, I'm not secured by anything and could potentially lose at the end of the day and vice versa. It seems selfish as I type this but if I had the time and cared to, I'd list everything I've gone back and forth with him about his life and how much resistance I've been met with since being together. This is the ONLY time that I've asked for anything...And really I'm not asking but letting him know where I stand.

I've dealt with a lot and I haven't asked for anything in return. Ever. Except now, he wants the things that look like marriage but doesn't want to marry just yet and that's fine. No pressure. But I just refuse to move in together. I told him I'd compromise with engagement. He said okay.

One of the comments (in the first post) said something about religious views and me being the one with the red flags. There's nothing wrong with me asking for what I want. Of course, I wouldn't want to tell him when to want to get married to me but I do have every right to make sure I am not being used for the benefits of what may look like one.

Things have consistently and only moved on his time and to be honest, I was okay with it because when we met he was JUST getting out of marriage 7 months before. I took my time with him and I've been delicate and patient but after 2.5 years (dating, not including the 8 months we were "seeing where this goes") I am just wanting to protect myself.

To add, when discussing the joint bank account, he revealed that he is still carrying his ex-wife on his health insurance and has been paying her rent, car note, and sending money as she requests it. This really threw me!!!!! He makes a VERYYY decent salary but so do I. So I don't care for his money. However, I am now hurt and pissed off with this new information. I would have never thought to ask and apparently I didn't need to. His ex was a SAHM for just under 12 months and somewhere in the divorce decree he has it in writing that he'd indefinitely continue to provide these things for her unless his income drops significantly or she finds work. TALK ABOUT BEING SHOCKED 😲!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know for sure they're divorced but never cared to read the decree until he told on himself. However, what I didn't realize when saying that I want us to be married before moving in together is that. . He still has his ex-wife listed as SPOUSE on his insurance. In order to add me (even as a domestic partner...she will HAVE to be removed)..The decree reads that he will provide the things I listed above until she finds a job. If you let me tell it...she has no reason to because he wrote and agreed to pretty much taking care of her until she feels like working and taking on her own bills. All of this is in addition to his $1k a month child support. (Sorry to be TMI and this information but that's a HEFTY amount of money (meaning in addition to everything elsehe sends to her and pays for her!!!!!))

So we will see...Y'all I am torn and have been drinking every night since finding this out!! I've given so much to this relationship to just now find this out?!

Anyway, the main point of the update was to say I said no to the joint account.

Thanks for reading. I'm happy that I can post this here because I have no one else to talk to about this.

Not sure if I'll keep updating about this. My heart is so heavy right now.

Thanks ladies ♥️

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