1) He went down on her every single time. He gave her oral all the time over a 3 year period. He has given me oral I think about 3 times over the 11 years we have been together. He says he doesn't know why he cheated and why he went down on her but won't go down on me. I used to think it was because he was selfish but now I don't know what it is....

2) I bought him a car and bedroom set (memory foam mattress and bedframe) for Christmas last year. He slept with her in the car and on our bed....I don't even want to drive it or get in my own bed. I feel so betrayed.

He says he has low self esteem and can't control himself when a woman throws the vagina at him. He wants me to give him another chance. He even signed up for therapy for his "addiction" and supposedly stopped talking to his mistress but I don't want him. I mean I even tried kissing him yesterday when he was going to work and all I can do is imagine him eating her out and kissing her and I recoiled!!! I have been so depressed over the last few weeks. I wanted to leave, hurt him and her, even kill myself!......I don't cry anymore, I'm not even angry anymore, I'm more numb than anything...I just want to be free of all of this.... Should I even try to make this work? I mean it seems like he is trying....but it could all be bs. Idk...I need some advice...