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A miscarriage is a baby that wasn't meant to be. A stillbirth is a baby that you should have been able to take home. I've had both, and there's a big difference. Hugs, mama.
I hope I don't offend anyone
Ok mummas just a question that's been on my mind lately. Does it sort of get to you a little when somebody puts stillbirth and a miscarriage(Im talking 7-8 weeks pregnant and below) in the same sort of pain category? I personally have had 2 misscarriages and im not saying they weren't very hard on me emotionally. But they(for me) do not even come close to to the pain I felt loosing my boy Julian at 38weeks. I'm not trying at all to be insensitive to anybody who has suffered loss at any stage It does really hurt to now that others have felt this horrible pain . I just can't see how the 2 compare. I think maybe it's because (thank the lord) these other ladies who have only suffered loss very early on have thankfully not had to suffer a later loss.?? Maybe?? Does anybody else ever think this? Or am I just being a horrible person for real. Thanks mummas 💖
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It has never bothered me, except for once. I lost my baby boy at 34 weeks and when I told my friend, she said she knew exactly how I felt. She lost her baby at 4 weeks... I understand the pain but that has always bothered me. I feel like stillbirth is harder in a way since you have gone all these months getting to know your baby. But miscarriage is hard too (never had one) but I feel like it would be so hard to not know why it happened. I knew my baby was most likely going to be stillborn. Hopefully I don't offend anyone with my post, that is not my intention.
You aren't a monster, or at least I hope not - because I discussed that same thing with my therapist this afternoon. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to negate anyone's feelings of loss or grief. They are real. Anyone who loses a pregnancy is part of "Shitty Club" as I'm calling it. Some have to pay a higher price of admission. I paid the price of 7m3days. It all hurts. There are more layers to my hurt than a chemical pregnancy. There are more layers to a 35 week admission than mine. We all pay. But I agree that there are varying degrees of payment.
I totally relate to how you feel. When you have to deliver, have to pick out a casket/urn, receive a death certificate, and come home to a complete waiting nursery empty armed. This is a whole different experience. We lost our Nola Gail full term on 4/21 and I miss her every single day. I get angry when I can't sleep and wish I was up because my baby was fussy. It really is terrible.
I've experienced both! At the time of my miscarriage at 9 weeks I was devastated! It was a baby, it was my baby! I thought nothing could get worse! Then last year I lost my baby boy at 30 weeks! My heart physically hurt and 6 months on it still hurts like it happened yesterday! It's nothing il ever get over!!! My world ended that day! I had invested all my time into him and I felt like I knew him. He was meant to be but because of placenta failure he never made it. I think you can only understand the difference in pain if you have experienced both. I know how you feel though!
Having had 7 early miscarriages (about 8 weeks) and a full term stillbirth (40 weeks) I can say they most certainly are NOT the same. Yes they both hurt and we're both a loss of a wanted child, but it's a different kind of pain with stillbirths. Almost deeper. One thing I always say is I wish my son would have been a miscarriage like the others so it wouldn't hurt as bad.
I lost my son at 22w in May. I have two living children and had an ectopic before my second daughter was born in 2016. My heart aches for my son so badly. I would do anything to have him here. Our first boy.. a very much wanted member of our family and my heart just hurts every second of the day. My son has a birth and death certificate and legally is a person. Shortly after he was born, I remember saying to my partner, thank god I'm not 38 weeks. The delivery wasn't as difficult as my full term births, I could not imagine having to deliver a full term stillborn child.
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