Am I a bad person for wanting to have a child?

Question

I have lupus, but am free of antiphospholipid antibodies (that cause miscarriage and defects) so I wouldn't have problems with passing anything down to my baby (other than a 3% chance of temporary condition that is no danger).

However, I can't shake the feeling that I don't deserve children of my own. I know I'll be a good mother-I nanny-mothering is really the only thing that I enjoy while being excellent at it. But I worry about during flares and such. I like I'm so broken and that I never shall be good enough to have kids. Who wants to grow up with a sick mom? I mean, I'm pretty well controlled and only have flares every 4-6 months, and my daily problems are rather minor...

I can't stop feeling like I can't be a good mom. It may be my emotions getting the best of me, but I feel terrible about wanting a child.

Answer

I have rheumatoid arthritis, which has the potential to one day be a debilitating disease. I have very easy to injure sensitive achey joints all year round and get painful flare ups every couple of months, especially during winter. My flare ups are where my wrist hurts so bad I can't lift a soda can, my fingers ache so much I can't wrap them around my hair brush or put lotion on, or my ankles and knees hurt so bad I can't stand up yet alone walk. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to get hit with several flare up spots at once. And someday, far sooner than I'm ready for it to happen, it will likely become a debilitating disease but not so soon that I'm going to base my life decisions on it. My kids will be grown up and well old enough to understand, and when I'm hurting I've got an amazing husband whose more than happy to play and run with our son and let me rest. I have a 5 year old, and fully intend to have 1 or 2 more kids, don't let your illness define you. You can still be a wonderfully exceptional mother, even with the flare ups.

Answer

My mom was sick when I was growing up but I'm so thankful that she's my mom she is an amazing mother always had a been she is literally the best mom in the world! Ur not wrong for wanting a child of your own... I get down sometimes too and think do I deserve a baby? So I can relate , if you wanna be a mom I say go for it life is too short to not be happy:)

Answer

My husband has MS. We still decided to have a child because we knew even with his disability he would still be an amazing father. He isn't in a wheelchair or anything at this point but it does effect his vision and memory. He is still a fantastic daddy though. I'm sure you would be just fine as a parent. Lots of people have kids even though they have medical problems.

Answer

I didn't want to read your post and run. I sympathise with the way you are feeling but wanted to clarify for any ladies recently diagnosed with Hughes Syndrome (anti phospholipid antibody syndrome) it is possible and very likely that with the correct treatment and monitoring you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy. Baby dust to you all xxx

Answer

I suffer from chronic back pain and have been on and off narcotic pain meds for years. I am never pain-free but I have learnt to manage my pain. On good days I can function quite normally but on bad days I often need to have a half hour lie down during the afternoon. I have also set up our home so that I don't need to be bending over for every-day activities, like cooking in the kitchen - everything I normally use is above waist height. And I can get on and off the floor for picking up toys, I just need to get on my hands and knees instead of bending over. And when the children need help with getting themselves dressed or tying their laces I make sure to sit on a chair instead of bending. 
I already have four children and we are ttc#5. We plan to have 6 or 7 children altogether. 
Chronic illness doesn't make you a bad or unworthy mother. I have made adjustments to my every day actions so that I can be the best mother that I can be to my lovely children. I have taught them that I need to be careful of my back and they really understand me. 
Talk to your Dr and consult with an occupational therapist to get yourself and your home suitably set up to make sure you are as well as possible. I'm sure you will make a wonderful mother and your children will bring you an unimaginable amount of joy ❤️

Answer

I have sero-positive rheumatoid arthritis and ulcerative colitis. I have a daughter and am ttc number 2. If anything, your child will grow up proud to have you as their mother, illness makes no difference to a child as long as they are loved and cared for and brought up properly. I struggle day to day and have bad flare ups from time to time but medication keeps everything controlled for the most part. Your baby will be proud that you have raised him/her despite your illness. Talk to your doctors, mine are aware that I'm ttc and have switched medication for me and are scheduling extra appointments to look after me whilst I'm ttc, and hopefully once I'm pregnant I'll have extra care too. Good luck xx

Answer

I'm the baby of 4 girls. My mother was diagnosed with lupus when I was 2. She had her first of 8 heart attacks when I was 4. She has a clotting disorder as well and was on prednisone and Coumadin for most my childhood. She still is an amazing mother. I have some very tramatic memories from growing up, but I'm also full of love. I would never of been here if she decided not to, and I wouldn't have my sisters. Lupus is in no way a death sentence and I say have a baby. If you're getting too sick too often you may need a surrogate ect. Please don't hesitate to have a child because of worry for them. We love our mother so much and also grew up very knowledgeable about medical issues. I wish you the best.

Answer

Growing up my mother had many health issues and still does to this day. Sometimes were harder than others but I wouldn't change anything.

Answer

I don't think you're a bad person or over emotional, those feelings are normal for anyone, let alone someone chronically ill. I have MSA, a condition similar to the more widely known ALS, but not likely to be passed down. I've often worried about this, but remembering my father helps.

He wasn't my biological father, but he raised me from birth. He has severe ankylosing spondylitis and a rare form of arthritis. It made him different from other dads, but to me he was always just "daddy". Sometimes I would pout if he was to tired, or if he wouldn't do everything I wanted to, but he was kind, supportive, and I always knew he loved me. His disability taught me not to judge people by their appearance, to be kind, to be patient, and to be responsible. As I got older I realized how much he had gone through, how strong he was, how resilient even through pain, and it made me want to be better too.

So don't worry. Anyone can be a bad parent, anyone can have off days, but if you love your child and do your best that will be enough.

Am I a bad person for wanting to have a child?

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