is this normal

i’m a teen, lonely. I time to time get suicidal thoughts or more of thought of not wanting to be here. I’ve come across multiple times where i wouldn’t necessarily attempt but i guess see what it would feel like if i were to hang my self. Obviously i never go through with it but i end up crying afterwards or something. But then i act like it never happened and i just don’t think that’s normal. no one knows this happens . i’m just very alone