Since I was little, I was messed up. I didn’t love myself, school was the worst thing for me. And I know I was a jerk when I was little but I had no one. I would fight with my mom all the time. I wanted to die. I reached the worst of it in 6-7th grade. I was at my lowest and never thought I would get up. But I did. I reached the highest peak of my life. I was finally happy, I wanted to live. I fixed my relationship with my mom and took care of myself. Freshman year(last year) was the best year of my life. I’ve always been on the chubby side but that was the best shape I’ve even been in. I was doing so well in school, I wasn’t alone. But now I feel like I’m coming apart again. Im gaining weight and my grades in school are dropping. I don’t have anyone anymore. I feel so alone, like everyone kinda just left. While it didn’t hurt like it’s hurt before, it hurts knowing I went from having at least one person to lean on to none. It feels like pieces i finally put back together came apart. All that I’ve worked to become and achieve went down the drain. I’ve had nothing and the had everything to loose it again. A couple months ago I started working on my relationship with God and it’s the best thing I’ve done. But I know God will pick up the broken pieces, I know I’m going through for a reason. He has a plan for me. But this hurts so much. I’m going down hill again. The thoughts I’ve left behind are coming back. My mental health is going down. The thoughts of not eating bc in fat, the Im not good enough anymore and I’m a disappointment. My best friend, the one I truly thought would never leave me and honestly the one I thought I was gonna marry left me. He choose drugs and left me. He lied so many times to me and now my friend did too While I know he would’ve ended up being toxic I miss him so much. Everyone is leaving and I’m breaking. I don’t know what to do