I would’ve started off by saying “ long story short” but the truth is, it’s not short. At all. If you stick with me throughout this I hope you can help or even relate to me somehow.

I just need to get it out.

My dad left me when I was 8/9 for another family. My step dad sexually abused me for a few years. ( no one knows in the family ) my mom is an abusive drunk and takes cocaine. This was going on throughout my childhood. All the way through my teens and early adulthood. I’m 21 now and still feel like I’m 12 years old. Like I’m stuck.

I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I know I have severe anxiety and maybe depression.

I feel like I don’t fit anywhere, no one likes me, like I’m secretly hated by everyone. ( girls especially ) - relationships of any kind are hard for me, I always think there’s a hidden agenda or their lying to me or trying to play or trick me. I’ve been seeing this boy for a few months now. And every day it’s just getting harder and harder, like his lying to me or manipulating me or seeing someone else behind my back, trying to play me. I struggle to trust him, I struggle to trust anyone. I feel like there just isn’t a place for me to turn. I’ve called my doctors, they’ve recommended me to therapy but cause of covid, it’s been cancelled.

I just feel as if everyone is plotting and scheming against me. Like I have to be on my guard all the time. My friendship group, there’s eight of us and I feel like I don’t fit in it, like I’m hated by all of them. Like they talk about me when I’m not there.

I just wanna feel normal, I want some help, I feel like I’m going crazy. I hear voices of the people I know in my head say mean things to me that only makes me believe it more.

I don’t know what to do and I’m scared I can’t take it anymore. I’m fighting so hard but I don’t know how long I can do it anymore.

I just need to know someone out there feels the same as me, or at least can relate in some way. I need help