Trigger warning... infant loss

I'm so upset about losing my baby the nurses didnt do their job and she only lived for 8 hours... she should be here with us. She was perfect full term and weighed 8lb 4oz

I get so jealous seeing all the other babies especially girls... I longed for a baby girl since i was a little girl myself and she was just taken so fast. I blame myself for getting the epidural... the nurses never checked me at all they just kept asking me if I feel like I need to push. Even when my little girls heart rate dropped inside the womb she didnt check me she just tired to find the heart beat... my little angel was born not breathing and a heartrate of only 40 bpm... they had to give her epinephrine and put her on a ventilator... I never got to hear her beautiful voice or feel her little fingers around mine. My heart is so broken I just want my baby back... shes supposed to be here with us