Masterbation

Ok I’m 20 years old and I’ve been trying for about a week and a half and nothing seems to work. I tried rubbing my clit but I didn’t really like that feeling it made me anxious for some reason. I want to try and get a toy but I’m nervous about that too my mom has never talked to me about that sort of stuff. Plus if I get one I don’t know where to hide it or what even to buy. I’m just a nervous body when it comes to these things. My fingers just don’t feel right. Oh and my shower head isn’t one of the ones that comes off the wall so that won’t help.