Should I let him come back?

Question

I kicked my partner out a few weeks ago after I caught him drinking and smoking weed while he was home alone watching our 1 year old. This was after several instances of him being irresponsible with his drug use such as driving our daughter with paraphernalia in the car. I gave him a second chance with set rules that he's to be sober whenever he's responsible for our daughter and hes no longer allowed to drive her anywhere but I came home unexpectedly from work for lunch to find him obviously high with our bedroom reeking of weed and told him he needed to get out. He's back with his parents with supervised visitation and is under the impression that if he can get sober and pass a drug test he can come back but I don't know if I can let him to do that. I don't know if I can forgive him for what he's done or if I should even try. I don't think I was asking that much.. if he MUST do drugs and drink i only asked that he do it at night on the back portch when I'm home so our daughter has a sober adult to care for her incase something were to go wrong I truly don't believe that's unreasonable to ask.. Whats your opinion if he gets sober should I let him come back? Or should I tell him to little to late?

Answer

I'd say that you already gave him his chances. Asking that he's sober around your child and doesn't put her at risk is asking VERY little of him. On top of giving him multiple chances to follow that rule. And he still couldn't be bothered to. You shouldnt have to ask and beg someone to make sure their child is safe. 
I'd be done, I wouldn't be able to trust him again

Answer

He should get sober because he wants to get sober. Getting sober in order to get back together will not last long. If you both decide together later down the road that a relationship is worth pursuing, that’s another matter. But I wouldn’t tell him “if you get sober we can be together” because it simply won’t work out.
My brother is an addict. He’s in and out of rehab, he’s fallen off the wagon on multiple occasions. The only reason he’s doing well right now is because HE chose to do it for HIM. Not for anyone else.

Answer

There’s no way in hell I would allow someone under the influence of anything take care of my kids alone let alone drive them places! You have every right to kick him out I would not allow him to see your child unless he takes and passes a drug test every single time

Answer

As someone that indulges in adult activities (probably more than I should), there’s zero excuse for him to be doing it in your home, around your child, ESPECIALLY when he’s the prime caretaker.
He’s being selfish and irresponsible and he doesn’t deserve another chance. It’s not that hard to drink when the kid falls asleep, smoke outside, or at least when there’s another adult present. I wash my hands and change my clothes every time I smoke a cigarette, I can’t imagine smoking IN THE HOME with a child.
He could risk a CPS investigation and you could lose your child. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Don’t let him come back.

Answer

No. Put your child first before something terrible happens to her!!! Please

Answer

I give zero second chances when it comes for the welfare of my kids. Keep in mind of something did happen at worst your child could be harmed or killed, and at best CPS takes them away from both of you. Your judgment as a parent would be in serious question if there was proof that you knew he was prone to irresponsible behavior and you could loose your kids because of him. No man is worth that. You are a mom first, don’t forget that and that they need to be able to depend on you to keep them safe even if it is keeping them safe from their own dad.

Answer

I would be calling cps on you and him. Completely intoxicated and watching a baby. Nope.

Answer

I’d only consider letting him return if he was doing NA or AA in addition. Seriously, you could get your child taken away from you for leaving them with an intoxicated person. I’d be weary.

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Your kids come first. No matter what. He’s endangering them with his drug use and the things he does when he takes drugs.Tbh it sounds like he needs help and you already gave him enough chances.

Answer

I wouldn’t. I mean, it’s not out of the realm of possibility, eventually. But he has to do it for himself and sustain it. And if you do take him back it will be because he sincerely changed and you see it. 
Like, do it regardless of if you can come back, and who knows what can happen when you do what is right for your own self. Maybe you won’t ever be comfortable with him again, but he still needs to do this because HIS LIFE AS AN INDIVIDUAL will still be more of this kind of misfortune until he either dies from abusing himself or treats himself better.

Should I let him come back?

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