Need some sense talked into me

I’m a smart person, I’m not dumb. But I feel so so stupid even saying that I don’t know if how I’m being treated is wrong or its just me. I feel like I know I deserve better but is it as bad I think is is it am I overthinking? Boyfriend didn’t have a job for two years. Severe alcoholic for majority of that time. Wasn’t there for my pregnancy and it got WORSE after our son was born. He put me down and called me so many names i started to hate myself. I was 135 after giving birth and he call d me far so many times a day that I BELIEVED IT. and I got down to 104....and guess what? I was “disgusting thin.”

He never helped out with our son. Financially or in anyway. Things got physical twice. But the emotional abuse was way worse. We ha Sex once..with a condom.... and I got pregnant. I was in shock and angry. I didn’t want this baby. But god had other plans and fast forward 5 month AFter our second was born, I’m so thankful I have both on my sons. But their dad is still not doing anything. He works now, yes. But he barley helps out besides MAYBE once a month after I complain about him not helping out. He still is hiding his drinking. Please help me see that I can do this without him. I don’t have any help with my kids and don’t know what I’m going to do.