Posting anonymous because I've already been shamed and told if something happened it was my fault because I left my child with a babysitter instead of being a real mom and staying home with my child...

My son goes through this random period of time where he has nightmares constantly about sexual abuse. He's 12 and will wake me up in the middle of the night because he had a bad dream. When he would explain it to me he would go into detail about his sexual abuse dreams and it would honestly scare me. Monday my sister sent me an article about his old babysitter who watched him when he was 3. Before I get any hate, my boyfriend (his father) died when he was 2 and I had to work. I had no choice. I would have stayed home with him if I could have.... His old babysitter had been arrested for child porn. It was disgusting and I can't believe this lady watched my child. I'm scared these aren't dreams he's having. They're memories... I told one of my mom friends about my worries, but she said its my fault for deciding to have a child just to pay someone else to raise them. That hurt a lot.... I would never want anyone to hurt my baby.... I feel like the worst mother ever..