Advice please... His Commitment Issues...

I’m 39 in a month and in a 13 month relationship with a 42 year old. My values are marriage and I definitely want kids (I know, tick tock). Him he says he wants the same things but I just can’t see his timeline. I feel that for people our age, the dating process is sped up, but he seems to have issues with committing (in a marriage way). I have met his family and friends (2 months in we flew around the world to meet his closest friends and siblings, it was too early for meet the parents and then covid happened so there was no more traveling since) and am also introduced to semi-friends (more work acquaintances that typically he would prefer to separate from personal life). He does think of me in the little things (like getting me my favorite food) but of course does the typical annoying, less thoughtful men things.

Although with my values I prefer to get married then have kids, I’m acutely aware of my age so am somewhat ok with getting pregnant first before marriage (before the baby comes), but I would still rather be at least engaged first. Him he feels like it’s not necessary to rush into being married and often cites friends who are married with kids but had their kids before marriage. I tell him they’re the exception not the rule because what about all those other friends of yours for married then had kids?

Regardless; because having kids is my biggest dream, I’m TTC for the last 2 months. I don’t tell him about opks etc but he had gone for a sperm analysis and takes supplements that my doctor prescribed, so he is on board.

Our relationship I guess just progresses so slowly that it makes me feel sad if I stop to think about it. I usually stay over weekends, this past week I stayed a full week (ovulation!) and at the end of the week he asked if it’s ok that I stay just the weekend the next week because he thinks it’s better to progress slowly since he’s spent most of his life living alone. I wasn’t planning to stay this week but that made me feel sad. He says if I prefer I can stay the whole week too, and he reiterated that he’s a very direct person so if he did not want me to stay the full week, he will not have also dropped in that alternative of being ok with me there all week.

I guess I just don’t understand any of this? All his friends and family are in marriages. There’s no mental scar in that sense. He says that for him this rs is already super quick than anything he’s ever had, and that he’s dating me with a view to marriage and that wanting kids with me is a bigger commitment than signing a piece of paper. And that he’s never wanted these with anyone else ever before. And it’s the closest he’s ever come to marriage. And that I complete him.

We go to dinners with friends, host dinners etc. A couple months ago I thought things through and decided that because of my age, and that having kids is my dream, that I should focus on that. Especially since he’s on board with kids. That that is my priority in life at the moment because of age. When I was single I would have opted to be a single mother by choice because of age. So now that I’m in a stable happy relationship, even better for having a baby. It’s a logical thought process. However despite that acceptance of thought process, I still find myself feeling sad about his slow progress. I don’t know what to do. Or really what I am wanting right this moment from him. We are already TTC and I do believe when I’m pregnant we will sign the papers first (we chatted about this before when we had a big discussion six months ago about him and marriage and he winded up saying this as a sort of middle ground.)

Everything seems ok but I just don’t think at our age we should be dating 4, 5 years before progressing. I really want to me married before 40 and he does know that. Why does he not care about my feelings and values on this. 😔