Trigger warning.

It’s been 8 years and I still can’t shake what happened. He sexually assaulted me multiple times, tried to rape me, hit me. And I have days when I just can’t stop thinking about what happened. I replay certain parts of it over and over in my head.

Today, I can’t stop thinking about how I protected him. A friend thought we were having consensual sex and I freaked. We weren’t and he was forcing me to touch him and touched me without consent, but she thought it was something else. She threatened to tell my parents and I stopped her. I was afraid that my parents would believe her and that they wouldn’t believe me if I told them the truth. I was afraid of getting in trouble and I was afraid of him. And now all I can think about is him sitting beside me, telling her not to, and then I jumped in and told her not to tell. I protected him and I hate myself for that.

I just wish this would all stop and that I could live a normal life but I’ve been scared and scarred for 8 years because of him. I don’t even like people talking about someone that shares the same name.