Awful mom

I feel like a shit mom already and my baby isn't even born yet.

My daughter just turned 18 months old, I was SO excited when pregnant with her. We tried for over a year to have her. I'm a SAHM so its just us most of the day, I'm not ready to give that up.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with our second daughter now and I'm just not excited at all. It sounds terrible and I hate even thinking it, but I'm not connected or looking forward to her getting here at all. She was not planned. Yes I have mostly everything ready, and looking at baby things gets me a little excited sometimes but it quickly passes.

My first was early, so I'm thinking its possible this baby girl will be here anywhere in the next 3-6 weeks. And that makes me really sad ☹

I hate being pregnant, it's worse this time around and I'm constantly in pain and I'm wondering if that's also making me not as excited? Like I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore but I don't want the baby that comes with it 😭😭😭

Did anyone else feel like this when having their 2nd or 3rd etc. child? I know I'll love her. I'm just having a really hard time coming to terms with another baby coming. I feel like I'll lose the moments I have now with my 18 month old and won't love them equally