This post might be long, I’m really just mentally about to lose it. I’ve been with my fiancé for 10 years. Last year we had our first baby. She is now 19 months old and a complete handful as most toddlers are at this age. He works part time and though I bring it up constantly he won’t go full time. I work a full 40 hours every week. Before baby was born we agreed that he would watch her on the days he was off which is 4 days off and he works 4 hours only on the days he works. I work 8 hour days 5 days a week. It was working out nicely till she was about 3 months old. He would wake me up in the middle of the night(roughly 3 am) and say” do you think your mom would want to watch her tomorrow”(which was really only 3 hours prior to me having to take the baby over there at 6 am) knowing my mom would say yes, I would agree. I was delirious and to tired to agree about it as my daughter is a shit sleeper till this day. So 6 am rolls around, I get baby ready drive an hour to my moms house drop her off and then another 15 minutes to work. Then when I got off I would drive to my moms house to get her and another hour back home. It became a habit till eventually he stopped watching the baby entirely. Which means he got to sleep in and have zero responsibilities, but constantly blamed it on it his work schedule which is only 3 pm to 8 pm 3 days a week. I work 730 am to 430 pm Monday through Friday. So, I did this every day. My total drive time everyday was over 2 hours. Come home get dinner ready, get baby ready for bath and bed and repeat. Mind you, I’ve not “slept in” since before my daughter was born. I still get maybe 4 hours a sleep a night. Cause she is terrible sleeper. He goes to bed around 4 am and wakes up around 1 pm. I’m up at 5 or 6 am depending on when child wakes up. Now baby is 19 months old. I’ve worked my ass off and scored a good paying job working from home since we couldn’t get help with daycare and I couldn’t afford it. I wake up 5 - 6 am with her. Get her breakfast going I clock in at 8 am, and I work and watch my toddler all day. This is a huge challenge if you could imagine. I will get a text from him around 11 am “ I’m slowly waking up” this infuriates me as I don’t even know what it’s like to peacefully slowly wake up. I feel so disrespected when he says this. Then I won’t hear from him for another 2 or 3 hours. He will finally come out of the bedroom around 130 pm. And is usually complaining he didn’t sleep well or has a headache which is also so disrespectful to me considering I maybe got 4 hours of sleep the previous night and I’ve been working and caring for an angry toddler all day. Soemtimes I pick up breakfast in the morning and he will take it in the bedroom SO HE CAN EAT IN PEACE, again I have no idea what that’s like to eat in peace and not scarf my food down in seconds. By that time I’m getting her ready for a nap, I’ve already fed child lunch, picked the house up 6 or 7 times, dealt with tantrums, snacks, keeping her occupied so I can work. On days he works he leaves around 2:45 so essentially he will see her for maybe 40 minutes to an hour. It’s no different than when I worked out of the house. He will ask if I need anything or go to the store for me ONCE he has already waken up. Am I wrong for feeling resentment towards him? Am I wrong for feeling used? I feel like a sponge who has been squeezed entirely of any liquid. I feel like I would never find someone better, that it would always be this way. I’m tired, I’m so so tired.

Update: you ladies are so wonderful, it’s so nice to get unbiased opinions on this situation. He keeps wondering why I won’t marry him. And I won’t. I will not, for other reasons along with these ones. I know me and girl deserve better, he’s so good with her when they play together, but that’s not enough. Even if it’s just me and my girl. I start therapy in January which I know indefinitely he will give me shit for. He thinks therapists are going to convince me to leave him. He has a lot of issues I’ve mentioned plenty of times he needs to seek therapy but he doesn’t believe in it. He thinks he doesn’t need to be a role model for his daughter he needs to be her protecter. I’ve told him 100s of times he needs to show her what a real man is , he needs to be a role model as much as I am. It took having my daughter to realize I should not be with him. I’m having a hard time coping with leaving him because I’m scared he won’t want to see her cause of me. And she loves him dearly.