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I don’t get it, why do they have to pay for your wedding? Why do others have to contribute at all? Aren’t you and your SO adults? Maybe you shouldn’t get married until you stop depending on others.
Wedding Planning Stress...
My boyfriend of two years proposed to me yesterday and ever since then I’ve been deliriously happy. It feels like a dream and I cannot believe it’s finally happened. I love him so much. We had yesterday evening to bask in our own joy, so to speak, and we spent all of today telling family and friends in person.
After today I have to admit I am a little worried/overwhelmed about the prospect of wedding planning. My future MIL has very specific ideas about what she wants, and kind of expensive taste, but I’m glad to have her support and excitement/encouragement. When I went to share the news with my mom, I had barely begun to share my wedding ideas when she retorted that they can afford very little. She cut me off to retell me the story of how she was only given $40 by her parents for her wedding which they used to buy material to sew her own dress. (My parents are both elderly and grew up poor...were married in the early 70s I believe). She makes me feel like anything she didn’t have, I don’t deserve. My excitement is crushed and replaced by extreme guilt. My dad has stated that he would honestly prefer me to elope so they wouldn’t be burdened with paying for a wedding. I pretend to smile but it hurts my feelings. My fiancé and I have very economical ideas and are willing to foot some of the costs if necessary. He and I will probably go into a bit of debt over this.
My fiancé spent all of last year saving up for a ring. It is gorgeous and I would have loved it no matter how much or how little it cost. But today my mom started joking and hinting that i don’t deserve such an expensive ring and that I’m going to become one of those ugly girls who flaunt their expensive jewelry. This is the first nice piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned and probably will ever own, and she’s already making me feel guilty about it.
I’m now so anxious about planning this wedding. I would appreciate any tips and advice for planning, coping, and reasoning with parents throughout this process. I know many ladies are in or have been similar situations.
Thank you 💕
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Why do your parents have to pay for any of the wedding? If you want to get married you should have to pay for it yourself.
💕
I understand is WAS the traditional way was for brides parents to pay but not in todays times. Offering to pay for bar or the dress or even the honeymoon would be more understandable with the costs associated with todays weddings..
Fa
It’s typically tradition for the brides family to pay. Not saying that’s required or what people always do. But I think that’s clearly the assumption with her parents.
Wait do people’s parents actually pay for their wedding still??? If so can one of you talk your parents into adopting me?
Mc
Haha my SILs parents paid for all 4 of their daughters weddings. And they're old-school Italian so you can imagine the guest lists lmao. My mom contributed a little bit for my wedding but that was her wedding gift to us and was unexpected.
My mom passed away earlier this year, but even before that, I knew when I got engaged that neither her or my dad would be able to pay anything towards a wedding. They are divorced and both of my parents were retired and on SSD at the time. I decided I didn’t want a big wedding. If I did want one, we’d have to pay for it ourselves. You guys need to do what you both want and not what your families want. I’ll never understand why people go broke for weddings. I’d rather use that money on our lives, children, property. There are so many things that I would prefer to spend that money on. Do what makes you both happy, but just try to be reasonable if you don’t want the debt from a wedding.
It's your wedding. You and your fiance need to plan what you want, not what his mom or your parents tastes and wants are. You guys should be planning on paying it yourselves so you need to pick a date and a budget and figure out if you can save enough by that date to have the wedding you want. You may have to call around to a few venues, caterers, photographers, etc to get quotes and a realistic idea about $$$ to do this. Just because you don't have an extravagant to do on a yacht doesn't mean you're relegated to beans and weenies in grandma's back yard. There's middle ground.
Why are you worried about what your future MIL wants? It’s not her wedding. Your wedding should be about what you and your fiancé want, and no one else. Put your foot down and let her know that ideas are welcome, but you may not use them.That being said, take your time and enjoy being engaged for a while. Don’t rush the wedding. Get married when you can afford what YOU BOTH want.
It’s your wedding and you should pay for it yourself. I understand that in the past the brides family paid, but it sounds like your family isn’t in a position to do that, and also that is a very outdated and patriarchal tradition, in my opinion.Another thing to consider is that when someone else pays, they are ultimately the decision maker in many cases. That’s the trade off when you accept money from someone. For my wedding, we made that mistake. My MIL in law had a lengthy guest list and when she gave it to us, we balked at it. She responded by saying she’d pay for the food for the additional guests, and under pressure, we agreed. That led to her making / attempting to make many other decisions. It was frustrating.Save up, pay for your own wedding, and save everyone a lot of stress and grief.
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