Is you bf ever mean to you

Like for no reason. Just out of the blue.

I just feel like I’m always being analyzed. I’m not good enough and even if I change my body and have some sorta miracle glow up with my face.. I don’t know if I would ever get over the fact I wasn’t good enough how I am now.

I’ve never made a mean comment to him. I’ve been moody but I’ve never been mean on purpose and if I realized something came out the wrong way , I immediately clarified before he even said anything.

I show him a swim suit I wanted to get awhile back and says “does it come w the boobs?”

He asks what my dad did for work and says “hahaha wow that embarrassing. Especially when my job is going to be sm better”

I haven’t let him meet my family or friends partly because of covid but also shit he says like that. When he said the comment ab my dads job, I was still new in the relationship so never said anything and mostly I was in completely fuvking shock of what I heard. It’s much too late to bring it up randomly now but if he ever said that again I’d freak.

I just feel used and like a piece of shit. And I’ve put myself through this.

I can’t even lie to myself anymore because as I get to know him more I realize how aware he is and possibly manipulative. Or at least just not a nice person. He did hear me and feel me pushing him away when he took my virginity.

I truly am so in the shits rn. School just started today. I have my program application due Friday I haven’t started and most likely won’t get into because I’ve never had experience with dentistry.

My classes are gonna be so hard. He was gonna help me get through my math. So he said anyway.

It freaks me out how I react now when things upset me. I just break down so much and all I can think of is wanting my life to be over. Idk if I keep going down this path if I would actually do it. I wouldn’t rn. But in a few months time or year etc.

Ik the obvious answer is to break up. But what if this is all in my head or miscommunication. Just a moment where I’m down and seeing things all wrong.

I just want to go back to being 16 before anything really bad happened. The last four years have been so much pain.