How do I apologize to my grandma before she dies?

Question

So im going to start off by saying that if youre going to judge me and be rude, just get off this post. I already feel terrible and making me feel worse isn't going to do any better. 
So im a recovering heroin addict. I've been sober for years now. Long story short the last time I saw my grandma I stole her gun and some jewelry. We never really got along because she was abusive to me as a kid but that doesn't make it right. Now that she's getting older, I have a feeling she's going to die soon. She lives 3 hours away and is in the hospital so I cant go visit her. I finally asked my dad for her cell phone number but I don't know where to start. I cant seem to get the guts to call her. I know she's gonna bitch me out. But I know I'm going to regret it if she dies and I dont say I'm sorry.
I already regret not apologizing to my grandpa. At the time he died, I was still using and I stole a lot of money from him. That man was nothing but a sweetheart and I took advantage of it.  Being an addict makes you do fucked up shit that im not proud of. When he was in hospice my mom told me not to come around because it might upset him. So when he finally did die, I at least got to apologize and since I was a mortician, I was allowed to shroud him and put him in the van to be taken to the funeral home.
Now how do I get the guts to call her? I feel really bad for what I did. And I dont want our last conversation to be bad. Im having severe anxiety but I know I'll feel even worse if I dont make amends... please help.

Accepted Answer

I’d consider writing a letter as opposed to a phone call. That way if she doesn’t want to reciprocate, it isn’t forced. That’s something you have to be willing to accept. That she may not want to talk to you. I’d write a letter saying you are sorry but you don’t expect forgiveness. Leave your phone number at the bottom and say if she wants to call you, you’d love that, but she isn’t obligated to. Apologies should be for the recipient, not the giver.

Answer

I am so proud of you. This is not easy, and want to give you encouragement.
Just do it. Face it. Whatever the reaction.
You can do it, look how far you’ve come !

Answer

You may be surprised - she may be waiting to hear from you after all these years. And what a wonderful thing to hear you’re clean. If she does bitch you out - you do deserve it, but that’s on her. I say swallow your pride and give that gift of forgiveness to her and to yourself. If she does die soon you can be at peace. If she doesn’t, maybe you can have a relationship with her

Answer

You just call her and say sorry. You suck it up. I will really push you to do this, mostly bc you have a feeling in your heart. 
Years ago, I had a strong feeling one day about getting to meet my grandad. It was pretty out of no where. I hadn’t met him bc my grandparents got a divorce and my grandmother made my dad and uncle promise to never let us near him. There was some infidelity, and that’s why they divorced; they were old school, southern baptist, and you just don’t get divorced, especially back then. So, we never met him. My dad and him wrote letters, occasionally, he’d even sent us a few family Christmas presents over the years (a VHS of “The Sound of Music,” is really the only one I remember). Anyways, never knew him or much of him. But, as an adult, in my own home one night, I just has this overwhelming feeling that I needed to meet him. I did some digging (we have a really unique last name), and then called my mom to ask a few questions, and low and behold I found the care facility he was in, pretty easily. I called and they verified and I told them who I was, and that gave a little background, and they said they’d get back to me. My phone rang shortly after, and it was his second wife (the one he cheated on my grandma with, they were married and still together). She let me know he lives in the nursing care facility and she lives in housing on the same property, so go see him everyday, as he needed full time care. She told me how happy she was; how they’ve prayed for us, how she couldn’t wait to go tomorrow and tell him. They were about an hour outside of Baltimore, where my sister lived, and I traveled to fairly frequently. I was going up for a weekend to go to a ravens game, and I told her, I’d like to stop by. We made all the plans, I got photos of myself and all my siblings, and we were set. There was bad weather and they moved the game, like a day later, so instead of going the day before the game, I told her I’d have to come the day after. I was so nervous. When I got there, she was just crying, and so was I. We went back to see him, he was laying in bed, but couldn’t really respond. He had a stroke the night before I arrived. He would open his eyes, smile, but couldn’t talk. Prior to the stroke, he could. She basically talked for him, told me how excited he was; how he had prayed to meet us all. We held up the photos and talked to him, as if he could respond. I knew he was aware. It was a REALLY hard day. I felt so guilty that I didn’t go the day I planned, bc of a ravens game. But, how was I to know? I had taken the step to go see him, so randomly. Something told me it was now or never. I was really happy that I finally got to meet him; he finally got to see me and see pictures of my two brothers and two sisters. He had always wanted to know about us. He passed away the next day. 
My point is, if you really have a strong feeling, trust it. You’ll never forgive yourself, otherwise. I wish you strength and love 💗. Your grandmother needs to hear from you and to have closure; you can give her that!

Answer

I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Don’t think before calling just do it. I find if I think about doing/saying something first it makes my anxiety 10x’s worse and the outcome is never as bad as I thought it would be. Just go with the flow of the conversation. When you are in the moment you will find the right words.
Wishing you all the best ❤️

Answer

First congrats on your sobriety. I know it’s hard, my BIL sadly passed away due to an OD. 
Even if she does bitch you out, that’s ok. She might need to get it off her chest to heal just like you do. I would just call her and spill your heart out. I hope you and your grandma can mend your relationship.

Answer

I dont think you should gloss over the fact that she was abusive to you because being that type of person is likely going to influence her response. I think you should keep that in mind when approaching her. Her response to you may not be kind and it may make you feel awful. It's just good to go into it with that in mind so you don't get your hopes up about anything positive coming from it 
With that said, I like what someone else suggested with writing her a letter. You can collect your thoughts better in writing plus you won't be putting her on the spot. This will give her time to think before she responds

Answer

Explain to her that you understand she likely doesn't want to hear from you and that you betrayed her trust and disrespected her in unimaginable ways, but a part of your recovery is making amends with those you have done wrong, and your wrongdoing sits heavy on your mind and heart. You know she isn't doing well, you're devastated to hear that, but you need to apologize, you need to free yourself of the guilt you carry for the things your demons led you to do. She may not even understand addiction and the feeling of "needing more" but I'm fairly certain she will understand the need for forgiveness and the attempt to apologize and address what you did to her. Validate her feelings, express that you are now aware of how you hurt her, broke her trust, and betrayed her. Let her know that you've been clean for however long, and that you're on the road to a better life for yourself. Apologize for not addressing this sooner, for not reaching out. Remind her that you love her and you are trying to do what's best to mend what you have broken. Tell her you don't expect forgiveness, and you understand her hurt....

Answer

Why do you think she’ll bitch at you? You did some fucked up things but have since fixed your life- getting older means recognizing we all make mistakes. Learning from them and fixing your life is exactly what we are meant to do. Be proud of your growth and stop assuming her response. I can’t guarantee grandma will respond well but that shouldn’t stop you and if she hasn’t or can’t let it go, that’s on her and it’s ok. You can still say your part. 
“Hi, it’s me. Listen, please don’t respond until I say what I need to say. I’m sorry. I was a different person back then and I know what I did was wrong, ugly and unfathomable. I can’t take it back but I can tell you, that’s not me anymore and I apologize for the pain I caused you. I take full responsibility. That wasn’t the real me and I want you to know the real me.  I miss you and even if you can’t forgive me, or want to move forward, I need you to know I am sorry for my past actions. I wish that I’d never hurt you.” 
You are not your past. You changed your life after losing control. That speaks to the person you are today. It’s ok if others can’t see it, or choose not to be a part of your life. I know it hurts, but, sometimes you just have to say “it is what it is” and continue being the best you can be. It’s her right to choose whether or not to forgive you. That doesn’t mean it’s wasted either. 
Call her.

Answer

It sounds like you have to forgive yourself as well. I would try to see her when you get the chance.  Tell her your sorry for everything in the past and that is not you.  Tell her about your achievements and that you love her.  I think her hearing that you love her and that you changed yourself for the better will be enough.

How do I apologize to my grandma before she dies?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products