19 & Still Lactating After Abortion From A Year Ago

I got an abortion in March 2020 when I was 18 and I’m still lactating. It makes me kinda sad cuz my bf/fiancé made me get the abortion, I want a baby so bad. I’m 19 and he’s 32 and we’ve been together for over a year. We live together but can’t financially support a baby rn. I was about to turn 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I took the test with him and I was shocked to see the results. We’re intimate pretty much daily and he used to cum in me every time since he believed he wasn’t able to get me pregnant from having past health issues.

I was excited to be pregnant again since I had an abortion when I was 16, I was heartbroken but that was with someone I wasn’t dating or even knew very well. We already had plans to get married and we love each other so much and want to have lots of kids in the future, but I’ve wanted a baby so bad.

At first he told me it was my choice and then he changed his mine and gave me no option but an abortion even though I told him I would leave him if he made me do it. He made me make the appointment the same week we found out I was pregnant, so it happened very fast. I tried breaking up with him after, because of how sad and heartbroken I was that he made me do this, he started crying and begging for me not to leave him and even had his mom text me a paragraph telling me not to and that he was just scared. Another reason he made me is because his parents are very religious and he was scared that they would disown him because we aren’t married yet. After I threatened to leave him he told them anyways and they said that he shouldn’t of told me to get one, so that made me feel even worse since he had less of a reason to do that to me.

I still cry about it even though its been almost a year. I really wanted a baby at 19, I want to be a young mom. And seeing friends my same age or younger being pregnant is making me feel really depressed. My fiancé’s family is well off and owns a business so it makes me frustrated that we struggle so much financially that I had to get an abortion because if it, even tho he works at the family business and it’s going to be passed down to him.

Also, after the abortion he stopped “eating me out” bf sucking on my nipples. I low key feel like he was disgusted with me after the abortion even though he’s the one that wanted it. I’ve tried bringing it up and he still doesn’t do it. He doesn’t cum in me anymore which is understandable since he doesn’t want a baby rn so he pulls out and I hate it. I don’t want to get in birth control cuz of the side effects and I don’t want it to mess with my body. But I miss him doing that. He didn’t even comfort me after the abortion and told me to stop complaining about the pain and that it doesn’t hurt that bad and would yell at me for being upset and crying about it. I still love him and he treats me well most of the time but I do believe it damaged our relationship a little. I just want to be pregnant 💔