Is it normal to feel extrmely lonely after this...

Not sure if anyone can relate but I have been single for nearly a year now...I was in a long-term, quite toxic relationship (he was my first ever love - together nearly 5 years since high school) so I’ve struggled with finding myself etc, especially within this shitty pandemic situation we have going on. Anyway, I’ve recently discovered masturbating/climaxing, I’ve never ever done this before. My ex ‘taught’ me ways I guess... but whenever I do it and reach orgasm, after the feeling goes, I’m left feeling really lonely and empty afterwards. I don’t want to tell myself I still love the guy, but I just feel like apart of me is missing? Will this ever go away?