I need to rant a little bit, but would also appreciate some words of wisdom. I guess what I’m looking for is some clarification as to if I am crazy or if everyone around me is crazy ?

I live with my boyfriend and we have been together for four years. I never ask him for anything and I am honestly super easy going. I only ever ask him to clean up after himself (which he does not) and to show me respect. I’ve given up a lot for him and I’ve changed a lot of things about myself so that we fight less and get on better. A lot of the time I’ve not my tongue and haven’t fought for what I believe in.

I work full time (currently from home), but even before I would come home at 7PM and cook dinner and clean.

I do all the shopping in the house, and pay for it. I do all the cooking, all the time. I clean everything myself and I do the washing all by myself. He does nothing, literally.

In fact, to top it off, he is messy, he throws his dirty clothes on the floor right by the laundry basket and I’ve asked him countless times not to, he apologises but still does it anyway.

He is always super busy with work and in the process of doing his own business. I give him space and show him patience. I don’t pressure him to spend time with me or complain when he comes home and spends the rest of the night on his phone dealing with work.

Besides this, I help him with his work, as well as mine. I’ve learnt how to use his computer system and I do all the admin for him and research.

I just bought a new desk and cupboard for our room, and I spent today building them and re organising everything. He comes home and first thing he says is ‘this desk is too small’. And nothing at all else.

He is rude and obnoxious and the only time he is nice to me or interested in me is when we get high on occasion.

I feel like his mother at this point but I’m sure even she would get more respect.

He forgot my birthday this year.

He never does anything for me on Valentine’s Day so I guess that’s another argument to come in two weeks.

I feel so unappreciated and fed up. Anytime I try to express my feelings it turns into an argument, where I just end up locking myself in the room or bathroom to avoid him and cry until I have a headache and need to sleep. Nothing I say is valid. Anything that upsets me is wrong. He never accepts his wrong doings.

I feel like we’re in too deep and I don’t know what to do. The sad thing is I love him so much and can’t imagine a life without him but I am sick of this shit.

I know I deserve so much better which I wish he could be.

I just want his kindness, love and respect. That’s all I ever ask him for. Literally.

There’s so much more I could say, so many worse things, but I think even this is enough to paint a picture.

I’m so tired and sad.