Hey! So I was with this guy around 3 years ago a little less and we dated for 4 months. He was my first boyfriend, with that my first love. He was the only guy that I had ever felt something towards. He was really good looking, taller than me and super thoughtful, and I fell HARD. This wasn’t in my hometown though it was were my grandma lives and at the time I would only go visit my grandma in the summer. I came back home and we decided we were gonna keep going with our relationship he said he was gonna wait for me and I was going to come down during Christmas time. My mom met him and she really really liked him and they got along super well and even before she met him he would call her to ask her if she gave me permission to go out with him and he would even ask my grandma. I’m not one to be super lovey or anything but with him I was I was all for him. Then I came back home and A month later I find out he’s going out with another chick while we’re still together. Throughout the year he would HMU and I would ignore him and that was that. Then my mom died, and I had to go back to my grandmas because she’s the only family I had, (my dad passed away a few months back) so I came back to my grandmas and everything was good and I don’t know how it happened I started talking to him.. and we would go out get back together for a week or two breakup he’ll get with someone else a month later we’ll talk go out he’ll ghost me and that was the routine. Then one time while we were dating a posted a picture on Insta in a swimsuit and my booty was pretty much the main focus, I felt hella good in that picture so that’s why I posted it but anyways he got pissed told me to delete it I said no and he ghosted me. Got back with his EX and just stopped taking to me, this time it was different though after a month he didn’t HMU I guess I didn’t want to loose him and I somehow we had a date where I was gonna give him my virginity. That happened and he took the last thing someone could be a first too. We would fuck once/twice a month. It felt like the only time he felt things for me was when we were in the sheets. I would watch fucking porn even though I didn’t like to just so I could learn how to give a blowjob or how to ride etc. He was my first everything and I was just one of many. And I guess that hurt. I let him do what he wanted because I didn’t want him to leave me, I would let him go in raw, cum in me!! Etc. He would block me every once in a while, delete me off everything and then add me back. When I decided I was done with him he got friends that were mine and his to trick me into going out with him etc. I don’t want to loose him but I understand that I shouldn’t be with him.. I’m sorry I know this was really long but any advice? I would really appreciate it I don’t have anyone to talk too.