Long story short my dad is dying. He has MDS cancer and he’s in hospice care at my parents home on the east coast. I live in Hawaii with my family (husband, daughter, and baby to be). My mom can’t make any commitment to come help until my father passes because he is her top priority. I’m 100000% supportive of her staying with my dad.

I forgot to mention my husbands a Marine and his unit is deploying a month early now which means he won’t be here for our second daughters birth. I can’t be alone since it’s a c section (planned). I will need help.

Also, someone to watch my daughter while I’m in the hospital. So I need two people. His father said he will help watch our toddler. I called my hubs mom and asked her to help me. She acted like I’m a burden to her. She’s upset over having to book last min flights because the cost. We offered to pay half her ticket. She said no. She’s also mad I won’t let her bring her dog. You can’t just bring a dog to Hawaii it involves mandatory  quarantine process for the dog etc. plus it’s my house.

She only wants to come for 3 weeks even tho I need someone for 6 weeks. She works from home so she could do it anywhere. The dates she picked are the only dates she wants to come. Funny thing is my c section date is April 16th and she would leave THAT day. So how the fudge does that even help me??

I wanna add she broke her back twice a few years ago and I was the ONLY person who took care of her. I went out of my way and took her to the hospital, stayed with her the whole time, picked up her meds, lived with her etc nobody else did that. Idk what to do but I want to say something to her about how she’s acting. What should I say without starting a fight?

Edit: She’s not afraid of covid and goes to bars, clubs etc all the time. Traveling isn’t an issue. We live in a two bedroom 1000sq/ft condo in Hawaii so adding a dog with the 3 adults, toddler, and newborn is too much. She knows everything going on with my dad and my hubby deploying. She makes well over $150k so it’s not about the money. She’s always hated me for marrying her son. That’s really what it comes down to tbh. Our history goes way way back of her being extremely horrible to me. She’s my last resort for help. My other friends live far away plus have families of their own. Maybe my family raised me to always help other family and hers didn’t?