TRIGGER WARNING

There’s two sides to infertility. The side we show you.. the smiles, the hopeful statements & the crossed fingers at the doctors office.

Then there’s the side you don’t see, the struggle..

The struggle is part of the story. When my knees give out & I’m falling into his arms he whispers “this isn’t breaking you, it’s building you.”

But it sure feels like it’s breaking me.

Why haven’t we normalized talking about things like infertility? We all know someone who has went through it to some degree, right?

So why do we act like it’s some shameful taboo subject that should be kept private?

Infertility is a lot of things, but private isn’t one of them. It’s all day long triggers in your face reminding you of everything you lack. It creeps into your personal and social life like vines taking over a tree.

You ask how I’m doing, I respond with “I’m okay” but like so many women, I am shattered - for the most beautiful & natural thing a woman can offer is life, and I can’t even get that right.

These images sting, but they are the reality we experience hours before picking ourselves up off the floor and heading to school, work or a social event.

To the ones who find themselves like me, month after month on the floor broken because the universe once again has said no

I see you. I am you. You’re not alone.

It feels hopeless and you’re ready to throw in the towel because clinging on to this dream keeps feeling more and more out of grasp for you. You’re trying to hold your shit together while the rest of the world celebrates around you. You feel angry & embarrassed with yourself for those knots in your stomach when another friend announces their pregnancy. You know you’re beyond happy for them, you’re just incredibly sad that your journey has come to this bitter & isolating place. You know that pregnancy commercial didn’t purposely play. Those strangers you just met didn’t know you were struggling with infertility as they ask you if you’d like to take one of their wild kids home. Those friends and family members who tell you “you’re still young, you have time”, they truly are just trying to comfort. They don’t know it’s the 20th time someone’s said that to you this year - nor could they possibly know the financial strain, unbearable moments or bravery you hold in tact day after day.

There’s no real comfort in infertility.

But, I see you. I am you. You’re not alone.

The shattering of your heart each month is the loudest quiet there is and sharing this side of a story is tough. We’re supposed to show our happy. Social media is for showcasing all of your perfect moments. But life isn’t perfect is it, sis?

Moments aren’t always perfect- and I’m tired of pretending it needs to be. This is my shared story with you.

I see you.

And I hope that after the 45 minute scream cry session, you’re wiping your tears, putting your “big girl pants on” and preparing yourself for another hopeful month.

YOU. ARE. A. FREAKING. WARRIOR.

(and you deserve this.)

Hang in there even when it feels like you can’t hang much longer.

I see you. I am you. Y̶o̶u̶’̶r̶e̶

We’re not alone.

It’s not breaking you.

It’s building you.

* These shots are of me taken by my husband. Being professional storytellers 📸 means sometimes documenting the not so fun moments.