Feeling Defeated 😔

I know this post will probably generate some controversy but I just need to speak my feelings and truth...I’m 10 weeks pregnant today with my 8th pregnancy. I only have one living child. I had a late term pregnancy loss last year at 23 weeks due to chromosomal and neurological abnormalities. My SO and I decided to try again because the doctors said it was like being struck by lightning with our last pregnancy and that it was rare it would happen again, plus we have one living child who is healthy.

At 7 weeks baby had a HB and was looking good. Had a 9 week check up ultrasound and baby had a HB of 178 but what was concerning was the amount of fluid in the nuchal translucency. Doctor said it most likely means a chromosomal abnormality. We won’t really be able to get answers beyond that until I reach 12 weeks and possibly even longer if I need a CVS done.

Part of me feels lost and depressed and I am honestly considering ending the pregnancy now. It breaks my heart because this was a very much loved and wanted pregnancy. I just can’t put myself through the emotional rollercoaster and trauma of getting all the tests and procedures done again like last time. It was a living nightmare last year. I know my SO wants to wait till 12 weeks but I feel like I’ve lost hope and just want this journey to end now so I work on finding peace and happiness again.

We’ve done all the fertility tests and procedures and we have already decided regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy we will put TTC to rest for good and just be blessed with the one child we do have. I’m not expecting a light bulb to go off with the right decision, I don’t think there honestly is a a right or wrong decision here, but I just needed to speak my feelings. Thanks for reading this long if you have. ❤️