TW: Early Miscarriage/CP, Loss, bleeding.

Felt like the longest week of my life. Knew something was wrong, either I ovulated late or a 16 DPO test (31st Jan) should have been darker on the test line. I had a very light bleed for 2.5 days nearly a week before I got my first BFP which I originally thought was my period. We were so happy when I got a positive hpt but cautious because I’d expect that test line to be darker at 16DPO. The line started getting darker mid week and I started getting very strong symptoms. I still didn’t feel reassured. I think you know when something isn’t right.

Then I suddenly felt different on Monday night last week, over a week later from my BFP. I had light pink spotting which quickly turned bright red with blinding pain, putting me in the EPU, the doctors were worrying that it was an ectopic. They confirmed my loss with the scan, they could see something tiny in my womb but on its way out, and took bloods to confirm. First HCG 42 last Wednesday then HCG 14 last Friday. The whole experience was very traumatic especially not being able to have my boyfriend with me in hospital due to the covid restrictions. Despite knowing deep inside something was wrong, this still hit me like a truck. I was devastated and still feel extremely sad. I felt physically empty.

It’s ok, we will try again. I’ve been reassured that this is very common and that everything looks right with my system. I feel like I haven’t really had a real bleed. I’ve heard CPs tail off into a period but that hasn’t seemed to happen for me. I started OPKs this weekend as I felt my usual, very specific ovulation pain. Seems very early on but I’ve read you can ovulate quickly or late after a CP. Reached my peak on Monday, so we’ve been DTD just in case. I won’t be going back to work for a while. I’m a NICU nurse so I’m very hands on and close with newborns of different gestations, it’s a bit too raw for me yet. I have great support in my life but two of my best friends have said the dreaded words ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ and ‘you’re still so young!’.

My heart goes out to everyone in this group who’ve experienced the loss of their babies. We all cope with loss differently, so please take the time and what you need 💗