Did your relationship have this issue ?

Question

Have you or has your man ever done something you knew your SO wouldn’t be okay with (not cheating!! But something like smoking weed and knowing your SO isn’t crazy about it) and doesn’t tell until after it’s done ? 
Tonight my boyfriend came to me and told me he smoked weed with his dad and the reason he didn’t tell me the night it happened was because he wanted to tell me in person. (Im not crazy about him smoking weed obviously). 
We talked about it and I let him know I expect him to come to me BEFORE he does whatever it is instead of just doing it and telling me later.. what do y’all think ?

Answer

What’s the point of telling you before? You’re not his guardian or parole officer. Dont you think telling you before would just start an argument or kill his vibe of wanting to enjoy a smoke with his dad?

Answer

No this hasn’t really happened. I’m not his parents and he’s an adult who can make his own decisions. He doesn’t need my permission, but I’d expect him to tell me.

Answer

I don’t see it as a big issue as long as it’s not messing y’all up financially smoking weed isn’t that bad.

Answer

I’m an adult and I do what I want. My partner knows that and knows he can’t control me ... but I don’t do things that I know would hurt him. In my opinion your bf seems to want to be able to do that, and he doesn’t seem like he will stop, so if you’re not okay with it you guys should separate.

Answer

My fiancé was really bad into drugs when we first met. I did them but wasn’t big into them. I quit and changed my friends. It got to the point I told him it’s me or the drugs there’s (he would leave with friends and come back and cry to me because he went and got high with them after swearing to me he wouldn’t) and i don’t think anything would have changed if I wouldn’t have threaten to leave. I told him he needed to get clean or I was leaving (I had tried so hard to be supportive at this point I couldn’t try anymore) and he agreed and distanced himself from all those people. He has been clean for two years now and we just moved into our places last year together ❤️

Answer

It depends what it is. A lot of these people saying it’s controlling or whatever. But if you know a certain thing is a deal breaker for you and you KNOW it’s not something you can handle in a relationship, and if your partner also knows this, then yes they need to speak up, it’s not a control thing. It’s a respect thing, it’s a “let’s not waste each other’s time” thing. Yes he is an adult he can do what he wants, but I need to know if he is doing something I can’t tolerate in a relationship so I can move on and not waste my time.
For example, my ex (hints ex). Had a weed problem. For the record I don’t have anything against weed users and lots of people do it responsibly and it’s even a good thing to a lot of people, but my ex in particular had a bad problem with it and put it before everything and everyone in his life. I told him this was a dealbreaker. One day I open his closet and there is a freaking  marijuana tree LOL. So yeah hints why he is an ex. It just depends what your lines and boundaries are, but at the same time, if your partner is knowingly hiding things from you, chances are they don’t have respect for you and they will hide other things from you

Answer

Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me

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Dude weed is not that bad compared to some other drugs out there
I'd rather him be smoking that then doing something else
His dad probably gave it to him to claim him. I won't get in the way of father and son bounding. I would only  get in the way if it was meth or really was affecting his life ( like coming home to him stoned every day) but it was one time

Answer

Sounds like you set a boundary and expected him to respect it and he didn’t. If it’s an issue for you then you should decide if it’s a deal breaker or not because he shouldn’t have to tell you beforehand for it to be ok. If it’s not a deal breaker for you than you should let it be. If he feels he has to tell you then he might start feeling resentment towards.

Answer

I personally don’t really care if my man does what he wants as long as it isn’t causing harm to him or myself. I used to be the same way and I would get upset about things like that in past relationships but growing older I came to realize that if it’s not directly affecting me, it’s not worth worrying about it.

Did your relationship have this issue ?

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