Am I doing the right thing for my son?

Question

Hello everyone. I need some advice. My little one will be 6 weeks old on Wednesday. Since then his father has only seen him twice. The father and I are not in a relationship and we are not on good terms, but I have never kept him from seeing or being in contact with his son. He hasn’t given me anything for him and yesterday was the first time he asked if the baby needed anything. Today he said he wanted to come see him multiple times this week and I told him no because I won’t allow him to come in and out his son’s life and only show up when it’s convenient for him, was I wrong this?

Answer

Your child is 6 weeks give the guy a chance.

Answer

He’s only 6 weeks old. Life happens, it’s better he asked now then never. Assuming he’s a ‘normal’ guy with you know a job, then it’s ok life gets busy...

Answer

Offered to buy the baby stuff and wants to see him. Doesn’t seem like this is a habit of not seeing his kid. Give him some time to prove where he’s at being a father.

Answer

Having a child is life changing, even when you think you got use to the idea during pregnancy, it’s quite different when the baby is here. Some men take to it right away, some men take a few days/weeks to process everything. Some never do.  The thing is, you don’t know where your baby’s dad will fall unless you give him a chance. 
That said, you don’t have to let it be on his term. I’m sure your biggest worry is the baby, and how his father’s presence or lack thereof will affect him, rightly so. Ground rules and boundaries are necessary both to protect the baby and have a healthy relationship with the dad. Co parenting is the goal. 
Have a conversation with him about visitations. He doesn’t have to show up whenever he feels, or not with little warning. Have visitations days set aside, let him know when you are comfortable with him being around. When you are not. How to handle canceling those visits. (Excluding emergencies of course.) how much does he actually want to be involved, stuff like that. 
Co parenting is a give and take. Compromises will be necessary. Give the benefit of the doubt, and then adjust according to actions not just fears. 
Many blessings on your and your child.

Answer

I think you should let him see bub as much as possible in these early weeks / months, I think it will help them form a closer bond that will hopefully enrich both their lives.
If down the track he ends up being flakey or disappointing the child by not turning up to things then maybe restrict but it’s way too early for that.

Answer

My sons dad and I were not together when he was born. His visits were sporadic and out of convenience and I could’ve written this, though I have never told him no on a visit. I only told him we needed to establish a set schedule and we did. It helped a lot. When we couldn’t agree we ended up in court and they ruled basically the schedule I had already set up. Look at examples of court ordered schedules for the age, and info on how to do visitation at that age. Usually it’s in primary home 30m-1hr windows 3x a week and a 2-4hr period 1x/week because of babes need for frequent interaction but length isn’t important or helpful so young.
Unless there are safety concerns I’d allow the opportunity for the fathers involvement to be supported.

Answer

You may not see it this way, but telling him no now will prevent him from asking in the future. So in doing so, you could be preventing your child (AND his child) from developing a real relationship with his father. 
Also, if it comes before a judge, that judge will not look kindly on you for preventing a relationship from forming. Let the baby get used to him now so it's not traumatizing for him later.

Am I doing the right thing for my son?

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