We only ever planned to have two or three babies. This is baby number two and they will be 13 months apart. I can’t even imagine a third and now that we have two we’ve decided no more and my husband will be getting a vasectomy.

I’m happy to know I’m done but I can’t help but feel robbed of the whole experience. I’ve missed out on a lot throughout my life, of my own doing and I can’t act like I’m not severely disappointed.

I graduated high school a year early, so I missed out on all the senior right of passages, I couldn’t afford to go to college even though I tried three times, my wedding wasn’t much of a wedding seeing as literally no one came for me. All my husbands friends traveled thousands of miles to be there, none of my friends came. My parents didn’t even come. Now I’ve been pregnant twice and both times during a pandemic. I know I sound ungrateful, I’m just deeply sad I’ll never get a baby shower, or be able to show off my newborn. My sons first 8 months have FLOWN by and I can’t seem to keep up.

I’m just trying to figure out how to cope and “get over” it.