I’m realizing how I’m not close to either of my parents. My mom & I, that’s just an awkward relationship I’m not even sure why it feels awkward. When it’s just us two, whether it’s me dropping her off to work or just sitting in the living room, it’s quiet. She doesn’t make an effort to talk to me, and when I do I always have to repeat myself for her to reply & if not that then she’d just give one worded replies or seem uninterested. When she’s with my sister or brothers, she jokes & laughs with them. Endless conversations. Maybe it’s cause I have a different dad than my siblings? Idk.

My step dad & I aren’t close either. Even though he’s been there since I was a baby. His sons abused me while I was growing up, I can’t get close to any male figure that’s supposedly family anymore. Not even my own brothers, just my younger one.

This just makes me feel down, like where do I belong? I have a son, I don’t ever want him to feel the way I feel. I love him, I’ll love him & whoever is growing in my baby equally. 🥺 I should just be on my own with my growing family.