why do i keep doing this??

i’ve been dating my bf for over a year and I’ve never been the emotional type but I cry all the time. I cry when he leaves typically it’s so embarrassing. I can’t help but do it. he just left and I had to hold in my tears so much. he says it’s okay but i’m just so embarrassed. also, last night as we were falling asleep, I had an anxiety attack. he helped me through it but it was also embarrassing. he had a long term relationship before and I think I just constantly compared myself to her if she was this clingy and attached to him like I am. I feel like i’m so attached to him but he’s not to me. I always feel sadness when he leaves, like right now I feel so empty. I hate being the super vulnerable one in the relationship, it gives him so much power over me. when we are watching shows, I just wanna talk with him instead. it’s so weird I hate myself for being like this. I never thought i’d be a clingy ass bitch.... but I am and i’m so ashamed. I even asked him if I should be in a relationship bc of my attachment issues and he got mad and was like wtf question is that!! ik he loves me, but what can I do to be better?? I feel like my clinginess can get toxic in the future and the last thing I want to be is toxic to another person.