Haven't said this out loud yet...

My husband and I have decided to start trying.. tomorrow. **gulp**

I'm so nervous. So many factors. Financially, health-wise, time-wise, etc...

We've been together for 14 years and have just never felt quite ready to have kids. (I know, you can never be 100% ready...)

Well I'm 33 and feeling the pressure of "the clock." But also, just so excited for the next chapter in our lives.

We're also house-hunting simultaneously. Probably a bad decision to do both, but I'm just going with a gut feeling that everything will be alright, and that this is the way things are meant to be.

Anyway, other than concerns about my weight, (290,) I'm considered a high risk pregnancy because I have factor five leiden, (a blood clotting mutation.) I have been on blood thinner, (Coumadin,) for over a decade. I have gone through all of the tests possible with doctors and specialists in the last month, and I got the green light. All healthy. Good to go.

I have since switched to lovenox, which was our first step in planning for a pregnancy. And now we're at the next step of just doing it.

But of course, my thoughts fill with doubts. Maybe I should lose some weight first, maybe we should buy the house first, maybe I should get a more stable job first, etc.... That's the problem though. That's what I do. "Two more years, two more years." I'm worried if we keep pushing it off, one day it'll be too late and we'll have had missed our opportunity. And I want kids so bad. I was a nanny for 13 years. I want nothing more than to raise a little love of my own with the love of my life. But why am I trying to talk myself out of it??

Sorry. End rant. Thanks for reading.💓