Is this common in people who grew up around toxic relationships?

My parents’ relationship was SOOOO toxic growing up. There was always drama, always arguing, always screaming matches. They were always either fighting or on top of each other, dramatic, obviously-fake loving on each other, never an in between. But the loving phase never lasted long.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, we have an infant, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m unintentionally self sabotaging and toxic, don’t know how to have a healthy long term relationship, or a mix?

With my own relationship, lately I notice that if things are just calm - not fighting but not all over each other - it makes me paranoid about our relationship. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend told me he feels like I’m always upset/bothered by something and it’s exhausting to him and now that I think about it, he isn’t wrong. I get upset about small things and/or push him away often. I have been trying to be more self-aware about it now and I find myself questioning our relationship more. It just feels normal to me to always have that cycle

Now I feel terrible and guilty and like a piece of shit partner. I don’t know if I should just leave or ask for space and work on myself. I feel like he deserves better. I don’t want this cycle to continue on through me, I don’t want him or my son to go through that. I never intended to be toxic, I always wanted better for myself 💔