Am I a bad mom for this??

Question

I just had a baby 4 weeks ago and my son hasn’t adjusted very well, hes18 months and he’s been acting out a LOT ever since having her. He’s constantly trying to throw things at her or hit her and it’s hard for me to spend more one on one with him because she screams if she’s not held and I’m alone with them for 10 hours a day. 
I don’t have any friends that can help, I have no family. I’m thinking of putting him in daycare but I don’t want him to feel like I’m pawning him off because of the new baby. However I think it would greatly benefit him, he’s not getting nearly enough interaction and is behind on speech.
Would this seem like a terrible thing to do? My mil thinks I’m horrible for considering it....

Answer

My kids go to daycare and I'm a SAHM. I have major mental health issues & I can't be home with my kids for days and days on end. My husbands in the military so he is literally gone all the time. I know my limit. My kids like daycare though. My son has apraxia (it's a speech disorder) and he loves the interaction. My daughter has severe anxiety & this has really helped her. You should do what is best for you and your family. Don't worry about what others think. People think it is really selfish of me that I don't work and my kids go to daycare. They don't live in my shoes though. So I don't care.

Answer

I don’t think it’s a terrible thing to do but make sure if you do when he is home you spend some time on him. My therapist told me before my daughter was born bc I was worried about my son feeling pushed aside and he’s 2.5 so has a much better understanding then your little guy. She told me to set 15 mins aside for him at the same time everyday just for him. You follow his lead. She said the shouldn’t get in trouble or told no unless they are doing something dangerous the example she gave me was. Say he’s in the bathroom playing in toothpaste you’d simply say “ you’re playing with toothpaste” no questions just letting him know your paying attention to him and only him. She said 15 mins is the sweet spot and doing it at the same time daily is important. Also the toothpaste thing was just an example I’m not saying that that’s what your 18 month old will be doing with his time.

Answer

My toddler goes to daycare twice a week and I have a 3 month old. She loves it and needs it and it gives me two days to have nothing but time with the baby without feeling pulled in several directions. Plus it's my house cleaning days so when the toddler is home the other days I don't take away from time with her when the baby sleeps to clean. 
Daycare is great for them. Socializing, learning new skills, listening to an adult other than you, etc. All great for them! My toddler lovvveessss daycare and also loves being home with us. 
Don't feel bad. Give it a try.

Answer

Im pregmant with number 5. Im due in may. 3 of my kids are in school and im a sahm. My youngest turned 2 in January. He is wild! He has always been wild. My other kids were more laid back. I literally was losing my sanity with him.. Right after he turned two i put him in daycare. It has greatly benefited me and our family. My mental health is so much better (i know that sounds awful)
He cried for the first couple of days because he was used to being with me everyday but after about a week he started liking it. I even considered taking him out the first few days because it broke my heart that he didnt want to go. He now does not want to leave the daycare when i go to pick him up, he has started talking more clearly, and its just helped him so much. If you feel like it would help you and your family, go for it! Im glad i did it. Were taking the summer off and he will go back again next year.

Answer

Daycare is a fantastic option! Teaches them socializing skills, sharing, and helps them understand making friends! I think he could benefit from some outside of the house attention. Especially if he’s to the point of throwing things at your baby or hitting. That’s not ok. He will learn, and you’re not a bad mom for doing what you have to do!

Answer

I guessing he would LOVE daycare. Most kids do. They get to socialize, play, eat, learn etc. Try it and see. My toddler goes to daycare when I need a break once a week for 2 to 3 hrs and I get some me time. He loves it

Answer

I believe daycare will do him a world of good and you're not pawning him off for the baby. It'll be good for him to ease into a school like setting especially since his social skills are starting to form at this age. 
As for explaining to him, I used to say to my daughter that like how mummy and daddy work, she's going to "work" too. That seemed to help her a lot 😅

Answer

Your MIL can go kick rocks. Tell her to back off. You put him in daycare and he’ll learn all sorts of things and how to play well with others. Think, preschool isn’t that far off so give him a little advantage and let you be the supporting mom you need to be with a newborn.

Answer

Would your MIL like to step in and help then?? Since she's so opinionated lol she could come and watch your oldest or even your youngest while you stay with your oldest a bit. If not, a couple hours for a couple days a week at daycare don't seem horrible.

Answer

It’s NOT a terrible thing to do to use resources that make sense for your family. Having a new baby and such a young toddler is HARD. Even just 2-3 days a week would help you to be able to feel a little less stressed and at that age they do really well learning to socialize. I had my oldest in a Montessori school at that age and it was perfect. My parents told me they put my sister into preschool when I was born also because it helped a LOT. My parents would randomly take my older son when I had my younger for a little while and that was really helpful. You’re not a bad mom for figuring out what’s best for your family. Everyone else always has an opinion, what do YOU need? What does YOUR family need? How do YOU feel about it? Before the guilt, is it relief? freedom? Rest? Less overwhelmed? That is what matters.

Am I a bad mom for this??

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey